Notes from "Difficult listening and having difficult conversations"

Notes from a talk called Difficult listening and having difficult conversations by David Yee.

• we're not listening if we're not paying attention, inferring meaning and building shared understanding
• inferring meaning - paying attention = jumping to conclusions
• inferring meaning - building shared understanding = misalignment
• paying attention
  • respecting the gift
  • focusing on the speaker
  • reducing noise
• inferring meaning
  • critical thinking
  • short-term memory
  • non-verbal messages
• building shared understanding
  • reflection
  • response
  • validation and conversation satisfaction
• challenges:
  • you can't hear, plus tactics for reducing distraction
    • turn on do not disturb
    • quit group chat if you can
    • full-screen video
    • take sparse notes, deliberately
    • notice and reduce surrounding noise
    • acknowledge distraction you can't avoid
    • try again later if distractions can't be moved
  • you hear only what you expect to hear, plus tactics for identifying meaning
    • honor the sanctity of conversation
    • note your own defensive or misinterpreted reactions
    • paraphrase for content
    • prompt for detail
    • ask open questions
  • strong emotions and empathetic listening, plus tactics for navigation hard conversations
    • acknowledge your own feelings and internal monologue, get out of your own head after acknowledgement
    • respect pauses. journalists know how to do this. let silence work.
    • check your power. consider whether advice is right for the context
    • check your nonverbal cues
    • make deliberate space for emotion without trying to solve it
      • unless emergency, resist the urge to be helpful immediately
      • ensure counterpart is heard and understood
    • know when to walk away. ask to pause until people have calmed down